There is small print in the comic below.  if you wish to read it, the small print will be provided below the comic.

Panel 2

FISH CAN SPEAK
TV MAKES CATS WANT TO SWIM
SNOW IS HEAVIER THAN ROCKS
TREES GROW UPSIDE DOWN
THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US
THE GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO TAX 105% OF YOUR INCOME
HASH BROWNS COME FROM CELERY
ALL FLAGS MUST BE FOLDED IN A SQUARE BY PENALTY OF DEATH
THERE IS A 72% CHANCE A CLOWN IS LIVING UNDER YOU CHILD’S BED
ORCAS MAKE GREAT HOUSE PETS
IT’S NOT GOING TO RAIN TODAY
EVERYTHING FROM NOW ON IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT
THE SUN WILL NOT COME UP TOMORROW
A YEAST UPRISING HAS SHAKEN THE BREAD INDUSTRY
BILL F.2083 DOES NOT REQUIRE FIRETRUCKS TO PLAY BILLY JOEL’S “WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE”
SHARK BITES CURE CANKER SORES
PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAM OWNERS NEED HELP PAYING FOR NEW STADIUMS
CATFISH SPEND MOST OF THEIR LIVES TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THEY ARE A CAT OR A FISH
JUGGLERS MAKE MORE THAN LAWYERS AND DOCTORS COMBINED
VENICE HAS SUNK INTO THE OCEAN AND LANDED RIGHT NEXT TO THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS
IT HASN’T RAINED IN THE RAINFOREST SINCE 1996
THE INTERNET WILL BE CLOSED BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 5 AND 6 EVERY SUNDAY
BEAR ATTACKS HAVE INCREASED 12% IN THE LAST YEAR
XYLOPHONES ARE GOING TO REPLACE GUITARS
CELEBRITY BOB GADGET WON BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN NUN CHUCKS
BILL.P 3460 HAS REINSTATED PROHIBITION
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE ACTUALLY READING THIS
ACS NEWS ANCHOR FRANK IS SUCH A JERK
AT OUR ICE CREAM SOCIAL HE PUSHED POOR DORIS DOWN AND CUT RIGHT TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE
ANYWAY, I BETTER GET BACK TO THE MISREPORTED STORIES BEFORE MY BOSS CATCHES ME
ALIENS HAVE LANDED AND THEY’VE BROUGHT FUNNEL CAKE
GARDEN GNOMES MAKE YOUR FLOWERS GROW FASTER
THE TOLLS ON THE EXPRESSWAY ARE RAISING THEIR RATES TO $10
A NEW ORGANIZATION CALLED THE MAN SCOUTS ARE TAKING OVER THE DOOR TO DOOR COOKIE BUSINESS
TYKIEO TOY FACTORY HAS BEEN SECRETLY BUILDING KILLER ROBOTS TO SELL TO YOUR KIDS
THE NEW WONDER DRUG LEPONOR HAS NO SIDE EFFECTS
THE CODGERS BEAT THE DUBS IN 6 GAMES TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES
THE PROFESSIONAL BAG PIPE CHAMPIONSHIPS WERE THE HIGHEST RATED EVENT OF 2013
SCREEN DOORS ARE NOW ILLEGAL IN ALASKA
EXPERTS SAY YOU ONLY NEED TO FEED YOUR BABY ONCE A WEEK
THE WAR OF 1812 WAS ACTUALLY FOUGHT IN 1835
THE NEW PEAR PHONE 8 EXPLODES ON CONTACT WITH CARPET
BILL. T 7600 STATES “DEER HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY ON THE ROAD”
THERE WERE NO COMIC BOOK SALES IN 1985
GHOSTS HAVE BEEN SPOTTED ON THE CORNER OF ELM AND THIRD IN BOISE, IDAHO.
MOVIE THEATERS WILL NO LONGER SERVE POPCORN
ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS WILL NOW OFFER BOWLING CLASSES
POWER LINES ARE NO LONGER NECESSARY
THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS IN THE CONGO HAVE GONE HOME
THE SNOWMEN OF THE ANGORA MOUNTAINS HAVE STARTED A GIANT SNOWBALL HEADED FOR ROME
ALL DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS HAVE RESIGNED THEIR OFFICES
TYKIEO TOY FACTORY FACILITIES WERE NOT DESTROYED BY KILLER ROBOTS

Panel 3

THE MAYOR OF BEVIL HAD HIS HOT AIR BALLOON SHOT DOWN BY A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE IN A BLACK HAT
FIRECRACKERS HAVE BEEN OUTLAWED IN ENGLAND
A SUPERHERO WAS SPOTTED LETTING A PURSE SNATCHER GET AWAY WHILE HE WAS EATING A HOTDOG
OH, OH, AND THIS OTHER TIME FRANK KICKED A KID AND TOOK HIS ICE CREAM CONE
THE OLYMPIC GAMES WILL BE HELD IN KISSIMEE, FLORIDA IN 2018
BIGFOOT WAS SIGHTED SWIMMING WITH THE LOCH NESS MONSTER
GILL RINTON WAS THE FIRST VAMPIRE ELECTED TO BE PRESIDENT
A MASSIVE EARTHQUAKE HAS CAUSED THE CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO TO BREAK OFF FROM THE U.S.
THE MEANING OF LIFE AND EVERYTHING IS TO GET BELOW PAR WHEN PLAYING MINI GOLF
YOU ONLY NEED TO RENEW YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSE EVERY 20 YEARS FROM NOW ON
BASEBALL UMPIRES WILL BE REPLACED BY ROBOTS MADE AT THE TYKIEO TOY FACTORY
THE MEAT FROM THE TURKEY LEG WILL MAKE YOU TIRED, BUT MEAT FROM EVERYWHERE ELSE WILL NOT
ZERO AIRPLANES HAVE TAKEN OFF FROM THE GROUND THIS YEAR
MOST WOOD CABINS ARE MADE OF MAPLE TREES
THE SOCIAL SECURITY PROGRAM WILL RUN OUT OF MONEY BY 1993
NEW YEAR’S EVE WILL BE ON DECEMBER 30 THIS YEAR
AN ASTEROID IS HEADED STRAIGHT FOR EARTH AND IS GOING TO DESTROY ALL LIFE ON THE PLANET
THE GATES OF HEAVEN HAVE OPENED TO ALL THAT OWN GOLF CLUBS
THE SAN DIEGO MARATHON WAS WON BY A TURTLE. A RABBIT CAME IN SECOND
THE STATE OF NEVADA IS NOW OFF LIMITS TO ANYONE OVER THE AGE OF 25
BICYCLES CAN NO LONGER BE RIDDEN ON THE ROAD
GORD MOTOR COMPANY HAS GONE BANKRUPT
FRANK’S COHOST IS REALLY NICE, SHE ALWAYS GIVES HER SEAT UP ON THE BUS TO STRANGERS
BILL U.9013 REQUIRES ALL BUSINESSES BE CLOSED ON MONDAYS FROM NOW ON
713 SPAS ACROSS THE COUNTRY HAVE STOPPED OFFERING MUD BATHS
BEE KEEPING HAS BEEN DETERMINED TO BE THE MOST DANGEROUS PROFESSION
CANDY COMPANY HERKYLS HAS MADE A CANDY THAT WILL LAST FOR 24 HOURS
NASA HAS SENT A TEAM OF ASTRONAUTS THROUGH A WORM HOLE. THEY HAVEN’T HEARD FROM THEM SINCE
THE OHIO DUSK ARE THE FIRST FOOTBALL TEAM WITH AN OFFENSIVE LINE MADE UP SOLELY OF SUMO WRESTLERS
I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY HAVE MISREPORTED ON ALL THESE STORIES
SHOE COMPANY NIDE IS ONLY MAKING SHOES WITH VELCRO
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS CAN NOW BE SOLD UNDER THE COUNTER
CANARY-YELLOW IS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND’S FAVORITE COLOR
70% OF CANADIANS HAVE IMMIGRATED TO GREENLAND OVER THE LAST 2 YEARS
KIDS EVERYWHERE ARE REJOICING AS THEY NO LONGER HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL
TAXI CABS MAY NOW SHOOT ROCKETS AT OTHER DRIVERS TO REACH THEIR DESTINATION QUICKER
JACK O’ LANTERNS ARE THE CAUSE OF CAR SICKNESS
JOGGING IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH
SITTING ON THE COUCH WHILE WATCHING TV IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH
TYKIEO TOY FACTORY USED ITS KILLER ROBOTS TO STOP AN ENORMOUS LIZARD ATTACKING THE COAST OF JAPAN
TALK SHOW HOST TANYA HOLTERS HAS LEFT THE SHOW FOR UNDISCLOSED REASONS
SEE SPOT RUN, RUN SPOT RUN, LOOK OUT FOR THAT DOOR, OUCH
TECHNOLOGY GIANT “DOORS” HAS OPENED A NEW WINDOW PROGRAM
A LEPRECHAUN WAS SEEN AT THE END OF A RAINBOW HANDING OUT GOLD IN NORTHERN IRELAND
RODEO STAR HANK TILLINGS IS HANGING UP HIS HAT AND LASSO TO PURSUE A DANCING CAREER
PEACE HAS BEEN FOUND IN THE MIDDLE WEST
TREES FALLING IN THE FOREST DON’T MAKE A SOUND
THE MOTHERS OF THE WORLD HAVE UNITED TO SWEEP UP THE MOJAVE DESERT
A SKYSCRAPER 5OO STORIES HIGH IS TO BE BUILT IN UTAH
NO ONE HAS TO PAY TAXES IN 1976
ZANGOS HAVE NO EXPIRATION DATE
ANOTHER DAY IS BEING ADDED TO THE WEEK KNOWN AS FUNDAY. IT WILL BE BETWEEN SATURDAY AND SUNDAY
CARS NOW HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY OVER TRAINS, BUT DEER STILL HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY OVER CARS

Panel 4

A NEW $25 BILL WILL BE IN CIRCULATION IN 1965
THE VICE PRESIDENT IS RIDING ON AIR FORCE TWO TO CAMP GOLIATH FOR CHRISTMAS BREAK
MUSICIAN GORDY POW’S NEW SINGLE “TIME FOR A PRETZEL” HAS HIT NUMBER 1 ON THE U.S. CHARTS
MAFIA DON BRUNO BAKERSFIELD WAS ACQUITTED TODAY FOR THE MURDER OF LEFTY LOUIE
AMERICANS ARE NOW REQUIRED TO DRIVE ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ROAD
TYKIEO TOY FACTORY IS NOW IN TALKS TO SUPPLY THE U.S. ARMY WITH KILLER ROBOTS
THE TOP GROSSING MOVIE OF 2016 WAS ERNEST’S GHOST GOES TO HEAVEN
I REALLY HOPE FRANK’S CO-HOST GETS MORE SCREEN TIME AND FRANK GETS FIRED
THE LOWEST PAID BASKETBALL PLAYER MAKES $35 MILLION DOLLARS A GAME
SCIENTISTS HAVE MADE AN ANTI-AGING CREAM, BUT YOU MUST TAKE IT BEFORE YOU ARE 18 FOR IT TO BE EFFECTIVE
BILL J.2542 STATES JAYWALKING IS NOT ILLEGAL IF YOUR NAME IS JAY
FLOCKS OF GEESE HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY OVER DEER
BUFFALO HAVE ROAMED INTO THE CITY OF SEATTLE
PRESIDENT HUNK ROGAN HAS BEEN ASSASSINATED
DR. YULE TIDE HAS CROSSED A SHARK WITH A SPIDER
THE MONTH OF MARCH WILL NOW BE KNOWN AS BLUEBERRY HOTDOG MONTH
AMERICA HAS SOLD MONTANA TO CHINA FOR 10 TRILLION DOLLARS
SANTA CLAUS WAS SPOTTED TAKING GIFTS FROM A 3 YEAR OLD AT THE CORNER OF WILSHIRE AND LEXINGTON
GRAVE ROBBERS STOLE THE WHOLE ST. HYDA’S CEMETERY. POLICE ARE BAFFLED AS TO ITS NEW LOCATION
ROULETTE WHEELS WILL NOW GO UP TO 65
THE CITY OF ROME HAS COLLAPSED
NINJAS HAVE INFILTRATED THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF GOVERNMENT
VIRTUAL REALITY EATING IS HEALTHIER THAN ACTUALLY EATING FOOD
ALL THE OIL WELLS IN TEXAS HAVE DRIED UP
DRIVE-THRU PIANO SHOPS HAVE BEEN POPPING UP ALL OVER WICHITA
MANY COWS HAVE TAKEN TO HITCHHIKING, IF YOU SEE ONE DON’T STOP FOR IT, AND CALL THE PROPER AUTHORITIES
PUBLIC SWIMMING POOLS WILL NOW BE FILLED WITH HOT CHOCOLATE IN THE WINTER TIME
THE EASTER BUNNY WAS SEEN SMASHING EGGS AT HIS LOCAL CHURCH
TYKIEO TOY FACTORY IS NOW OFFERING A CHIP YOU CAN IMPLANT IN YOUR HEAD TO CHANGE THE TV CHANNEL, IT CERTAINLY WILL NOT LET YOU CONTROL A KILLER ROBOT
THE COUNTRY OF TURKEY WILL NOW PROVIDE AMERICANS WITH FREE TURKEYS EVERY THANKSGIVING
BILL Y.5314 REQUIRES ALL YELLOW LIGHTS BE REMOVED BY 1999
THE COUNTRY OF HAMBURG WILL NOW PROVIDE AMERICANS WITH FREE HAMBURGERS EVERY 4TH OF JULY
OKAY I MADE UP THAT THING ABOUT FRANK KICKING A KID, BUT HE TOTALLY WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT
A TSUNAMI OFF THE COAST OF ANTARCTICA IS FROZEN IN PLACE REACHING 15 STORIES HIGH
YOU CAN NOW GET YOUR DOCTOR CHECK-UP WHILE YOU WAIT FOR YOUR CAR’S CHECK-UP TO BE COMPLETED
YOU CAN NOW GET YOUR TEETH CLEANED AT THE CAR WASH
IN FOOTBALL TOUCHDOWNS WILL NOW BE WORTH 7 POINTS. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE EXTRA POINT KICKS
ROSES ARE RED, BUT VIOLETS ARE NOT BLUE
BILLIONAIRE YASMINE GROG HAS LEFT HER FORTUNE TO CHARLES EDWARDS
TIM KAKUT IS THE FENCING CHAMPION OF 2015
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS RETURNING ALL DONATIONS TO THEIR ORIGINAL DONORS
ANTARCTICA HAS ONLY 1 ACRE OF ICE LEFT
ZEPPELINS HAVE REPLACED AIRPLANES AS THE NUMBER ONE FORM OF TRANSPORTATION IN 2016
THIS YEARS ACS NEWS BEAUTY PAGEANT WAS WON BY MALINDA TERNEY
THERE ARE 4 MEN RIDING HORSES IN THE SKY, I’M TOLD THIS IS A GOOD OMEN
NEXT WEEK ON CHAT’S WITH FRANK WE WILL HAVE ONE OF THE HORSEMEN
DISCO MUSIC WAS VOTED MOST POPULAR MUSIC OF THE 20TH CENTURY
EATING ORANGES INCREASES YOUR INTELLIGENCE
ANTS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY OVER FLOCKS OF GEESE
AMERICANS WILL VOTE IN 2018 TO EITHER CONTINUE WITH A DEMOCRACY OR BE RULED BY A KING
YOU’VE REALLY READ ALL OF THIS. YOU GET A GOLD STAR 🙂
A GIANT APE IS CLIMBING THE ACS BUILDING